The Battle To End Bullying

GREENVILLE, N.C. - Playgrounds sound much different these days.

You’re so ugly…you’re fat…you’re a loser…you should just die…you make me sick…you’re a nobody.

On a campus in Pitt County, 13-year-old Harlee Mills hears words like these every day.

“Makes me feel like I mean nothing to them. Makes me feel like I’m trash,” said Mills. “I’ll tell them to shut up and they won’t. They keep laughing at me. I’ll walk away and call my mom to come get me.”

“It’s hard to send her to school everyday knowing she is put through torture. Last year she had stomach aches, headaches to get to come home because she was being picked on so bad,” said Kim Mills, mom of bullying victim.

Harlee almost failed 7^th grade because she missed so much school, but home was the only place she felt safe.

“I just want to stay there and not go back to school at all. I don’t want to be there anymore,” said Harlee.

She isn’t alone. Last year in our state, one in six students report missing school out of fear of being bullied.

“For those kids who are targets of bullies, they’re much more likely to be suicidal, more likely to drop out of school,” said William Lassiter, NC Dept. of Juvenile Justice.

“Repeatedly I have heard my child say that she didn’t need to live because she was a nobody and she is not a nobody. People shouldn’t be allowed to make her feel like a nobody,” said Kim.

So why do kids like Harlee feel like they’re a nobody?

After all, isn’t there a state law that prevents bullying? Not quite.

Three years ago, a school violence prevention act was signed into North Carolina law. It was our state’s version of anti-bullying legislation.

We pulled up Senate bill 526 and it reads, “The sole purpose of this law is to protect all children from bullying and harassment and no other legislative purpose is intended nor should any other intent be construed from passage of this law.”

“What the school board policy that was passed requires, every staff member, bus driver, cafeteria worker, everybody on campus, is trained on how to intervene when an incident occurs,” said Lassiter.

That means when it comes to preventing bullying, the state’s hands are clean. They’re leaving it to the schools.

“We can deal with things when we know about them, if we don’t, we can’t address it,” said Dr. Pokie Noland, Director of Student Services.

And for moms like Kim Mills, it’s going to take more than just a policy to protect her daughter.

“I feel like as a parent I have failed because I send her there everyday to be tortured. We’ve gone to teachers, principals all say “we’ll handle it” and nothing ever happens,” said Kim.

It’s the video that went viral.

14-year-old Jamey Rodemeyer wanted to reassure other bullied kids that things do get better.

But things didn’t get better for Jamey. Four months after he posted his video, he was dead. He killed himself outside of his New York home.

His death sparked outrage, spurring pop icon Lady Gaga on a mission to make bullying a hate crime.  Some states are mulling it over, but not ours.

“Just locking them up does not change behavior or suspending them. Suspension is not intervention,” said Lassiter.

There is no strict legislation in our state that prevents bullying.

Under the current North Carolina law, schools are required to have an anti-bullying policy in place. Schools also have the final say when it comes to disciplinary actions for a “bully.”

“Too often in schools, the punishment is suspension and I can tell you, I deal with a lot of bullies and not too many of them hate getting suspended. They see it as a paid vacation,” said Lassiter.

“True bullies do not respond to traditional forms of discipline,” said Dr. Beverly Reep, Superintendent, Pitt County Schools.

Pitt County Schools is just one district that has a board policy that prohibits bullying. Dr. Pokie Noland tells us suspension may not be intervention, but it is often a necessity.

“At times there needs to be separation between bully and victim. Gives two parties time away from each other,” said Noland.

But for some parents, this policy just offers a temporary fix and their child just becomes an even bigger target.

“Breaks my heart because I can’t protect him when he’s in school. I can only protect him when he’s out of school,” said Lashanda Miler.

Miler’s 10-year-old son wanted to protect himself from the boys who picked on him relentlessly so the Beaufort County 5^th grader brought a knife to school, not once, but twice.

He was immediately suspended, but the bullies who he says pushed him to the edge,  nothing.

“It’s always about the same kids. The same ones are still bullying this year. And you get the same thing. They’re written up, given ISS, they just keep doing it more,” said Kim.

“We’ve got to really rethink how we do things in our school districts. Maybe alternative education, come in on Saturdays, more school rather than less school,” said Lassiter.

Most kids who are bullies have mental health problems, a bad home life and their family isn’t involved. In their homes, violence is acceptable behavior.

“Violence is a continuum of acts. It starts with put downs, trash talking and insults. But it works its way up to fights, weapons and finally suicide or homicide. Where are we going to step in on that continuum,” asked Lassiter.

There’s that adage that says it take a village to raise a child. It’s the same when it comes to protecting a child.

If we perfect the “bystander effect”, we may finally be able to put an end to bullying.

We may not change every single student, we may not change the 3% of kids who are bullies, but if we can change the 70-80% of bystanders, we can change bullying behavior.

“They had these nicknames and stuff and they weren’t nice. Made me feel like I wasn’t a person. Made me feel like I wasn’t wanted.”

For 13-year-old Jenna, it was a case of young, jilted love that turned a group of peers into her enemies.

With a few strikes of their keys, the group of bullies made a Demon Haters Facebook page. Jenna was the demon.

"I was having suicidal thoughts. Why should I be here if no one likes me,” asked Jenna.

“When I saw her being bullied, I wanted to put an end to her bullying and then the more I thought about it, I wanted to put an end to all bullying,” said Anna, Jenna’s friend.

And that put their plan in motion. The two friends logged onto Facebook, not to retaliate, but to take a stand against bullying.

“I’m trying to help kids to not give up on themselves,” Jenna.

“It seems to me there are a lot of kids I have talked to, who need a voice. They need somebody to speak for them. Are you and Jenna willing to be that voice,” asked Nine On Your Side’s Amanda Goodman.

“Absolutely,” they answered.

“You’re ready for that,” Goodman asked?

“I’m ready to see an end to all those kids being hurt when it’s not necessary,” said Anna.

They’ve created an anti-bullying Facebook page. And while they don’t have all of the answers, their message to the kids who are bullied is simple, you are not alone and don’t give up on yourself.

But the truth is, most kids who are bullied do feel alone.

William Lassiter with the North Carolina Department of Juvenile Justice said society is to blame. He said we need to change the way we think, “I think there’s a lot of people in our society that still consider bullying to be a serious problem, they think it’s just boys being boys, kids being kids.”

For James Speight, the emotional scars remain. He was bullied throughout his childhood.

Now, he teaches kids how to defend themselves in a non-violent way.

He said he is determined not to allow his kids or any other kids to crawl under a bully, “It’s very important that a child knows how to protect himself or herself. Often, they’re too worried about retaliation if they do stand up for other children.”

At his studio, Speight teaches Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. He said this teaches even the smallest of children how to take a stand without getting violent, “She has to make eye contact when she’s in a situation. She has to let them know it’s not right.”

As for the skeptics who tell you to turn the other cheek?

“My dad taught me, you only got two cheeks,” said Speight.

“By not getting involved, you’re sending a powerful message to those kids that the behavior is accepted. We have to draw the line,” said Lassiter.

Jenna learned the hard way that sometimes, people you think are your friends, will turn on you and become your bullies.

But in the end, she realized the only opinion that matters is the one from the reflection in the mirror.

“I’m me. And that’s all I know how to be. So I’m just gonna be me. That’s my mentality. That’s all I do,” said Jenna.